How I became a child again

17th September 2019 Castellano Français Slovenčina

I ask: “Why?” Mom answers, and I ask again: “Why?” Mommy answers: “Because it is so.”

And me again: “But why is that so?” This is how it started, getting to know the world. Later I started school and asking was harder for me. We were learning and writing exams. However, this does not mean that I did not want to understand things better.

Some time has passed, and it has begun to change. I didn't ask anymore. I sought and received clear answers, true answers. I was convinced that everything was cognizable.

It was also influenced by high school: only one correct definition, always use one term, otherwise, it does not count. It culminated during last year at high school and first year at university. I realize this especially looking back to the opinions I formed then about history and politics. In spite of generally trying to avoid conflict, I used to have heated debates about those topics even with my closest people.

Something changed in the second year at university. However, there was no quick turnaround, it was a gradual change. Changing from “I'm convinced that” through “I think that” to “I'm thinking about”. It was a return to a world where I had ever been, to a world without given truths. It was a return to the question: “Why should it be so?” Or rather, to the question: “Is this question truly answerable?” And if it is not, “does it make any sense to deal with it?” Sometimes it makes sense for me. On the other hand, there are things that I have paid a lot of attention to in the past, but today I see no sense in it.

And what about the answer to the question: “Which things are truly cognizable?” Today I say: “I don't know.”